A Course in Love & Healing 
 
Lesson 37

What are You Pretending
Not to Know?

By Dr. Scott Peck & Shannon Peck 
Co-Founders, TheLoveCenter

We know a lot more than our hearts sometimes care to acknowledge.

At one of our workshops, we asked a group of people who had been divorced, when they first knew they had made the wrong decision. Over 90% said either, “The first day” or “Before we married.” It was the same for us too. What were we all pretending not to know?

Let this column be a truth light for your heart so you are not pretending when it comes to the love you deserve. Here are some truth questions for your love life:

Question 1: Are you hoping for and chasing love that “might be” or are you experiencing love that exists right now?  The key word here is “now.”

The person you select in number one place needs to be the person who also places you in a number one place – and now. You know when you are in someone’s top place. There is eagerness to get with you and joy in knowing you. You are treated with appreciation, interest, and great respect. You feel deeply valued and acknowledged. Do you feel this way – now?

Question 2: Are you living in “romance land” with all its superficial love games, or are you sharing a rich friendship with honesty and openness?  The key words here are “honesty and openness.”

Love relationships based primarily on physical attraction or superficial dating games dissolve like sand castles when the tide comes in. Love that encourages each partner to speak openly and freely in freedom, truth, and soul is like building a foundation for a beautiful, enduring castle. How real is your love foundation?

Question 3: Are you being treated with consistent, dependable kindness or is there unkindness or intermittent kindness? The key word here is “dependable kindness.”

There is no substitute for genuine lovingkindness – compassionate listening and speech, and not just some of the time. Nothing makes for a happier relationship than dependable kindness! Let your heart not sacrifice here. What percent of the time are you experiencing genuine kindness? What percent of the time are you giving it?

Question 4: Do you feel honored, cherished, and known or is your inner heart hidden from full view? The key words here are “honored and known.”

Your dreams and life passion deserve full sunshine, watering, and care. So do your partner’s deep aspirations. If you are sharing at this level, you are both growing in wonder, surprise, and an upward spiraling dance of soulful creation. If not, what are you pretending not to know?

Question 5: Are you having fun knowing each other or is there a drag when you are together? The key word here is “fun.”

Shared laughter and play is so important in love. All relationships face hardships – stress, bad news, and life changes. We need lightness, play, and laughter to support our hearts. How often do you find yourself laughing with your love mate?

Question 6: Are you receiving love that is equal to the love you are giving? The key word here is “equal.”

This is an area of love that calls for great awareness. Relationships can be wonderful – except missing the one ingredient of equality. Yet love without equality leaves us feeling empty and undernourished. Are your dreams equally cherished? Are your thoughts equally valued? Are your passions equally revealed – and important? These are enormous barometers of love success.

Question 7: Do you have shared spiritual values and passion for growth or are your core values still hidden or not quite in sync?  The key words here are “shared values” and “passion for growth.”

Two people who are growing together but also growing individually make a mighty love team. When one partner is not open to growth and not working on him or herself, there is trouble brewing. Love cannot be sustained on one partner’s soul growth. If you keep bumping up against resistance to growth and openness in your relationship, wake up. Sustainable love requires deep, personal, continuous, and honest soul work for success – from both partners.

Question 8: Does your heart feel fulfilled & happy or is your heart twisting in doubt, turmoil, and questions? The key words here are “fulfilled and happy.”

After all is said and done, do you go to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed in your love relationship or does your relationship feel heavy?  Your heart deserves fulfillment and happiness. Yes, love takes work. But love is not a construction job with no end in sight. Your heart deserves comfort, support, understanding, praise, and encouragement.  This is what love is all about.

The question, “What are you pretending not to know?” may seem far too revealing to your heart, but living in love ignorance never satisfies our deepest longings. You deserve the real thing. Welcome to the heart of Love!